How My Weight Loss Has Affected My Place in the World

I was recently asked by my friend Adina Ingram to consider how my losing weight has affected my relationships with friends, family, as well as my feelings about myself and others.  It was something that I have been thinking about quite a bit.  As many people may know, I am in therapy.  I started seeing a counselor after I found my interactions with others to be strained or awkward.  This didn’t happen with everyone, but I noticed it happening more often than not and I grew more uncomfortable in my own skin.  I had reduced significantly in mass and I no longer knew how to be Collin Gehl.

I often wonder who has changed the most: me or the people in my life.  Most of the reactions I have gotten about my weight loss have been completely positive.  People are truly happy for me and are often telling me how good I look.  Others are inspired by not only my weight loss, but my commitment to fitness and my new positive outlook on life.  Several friends and some of my family have adopted a healthier lifestyle in part because of what I have done.  It can be both inspiring and overwhelming to be seen as a role model.  My commitment continues to grow strong because of the love and support I receive.

Unfortunately, there are those that have not been supportive of what I have done.  Some friends feel as if we’re in a competition to be “the skinniest.”  Others have pushed me away and it hurts.  As a gay man,  I have gotten a lot of positive reaction from some members of the gay community and have had people that did not look at me before be suddenly extremely interested in who I am and what I am doing. 

To have those that are supposed to be my friends resent me because of getting healthier is somewhat heartbreaking.  I often think that people don’t understand how sensitive I am.  I am very tough, as well as extremely straightforward, so I think that people just assume they can say or do anything to me and I’ll be OK.  I’ve recently defriended and pushed people out of my life because of the way they treat me.  I’ve also adjusted my approach in meeting new people.  If you can’t give me the courtesy of following through---on a meeting, a date, etc., then I don’t need you in my life and they are gone. 

This new approach to dealing with people would not have happened without both the weight loss and therapy.  Because of my new lifestyle, I am much more confident in how I carry myself and my body.  I used to slouch and try to hide, but now I find myself walking with excellent posture and looking people in the eye.  I also smile much more.  I am happier and I find that smiling puts people at ease and makes it easier for people to make friends.

The most exciting thing about the weight loss has been the new clothes.  I am falling in love with clothes---especially clothing with bright colors.  For years I wore outfits that were all dark colors or too big.  Lately I realize that those clothes were not only hiding my body, but making me look bigger.  I try to wear much more form fitting clothing, but because I am now gaining more muscle, I am struggling with finding clothes that fit correctly. 

Despite the many challenges of losing weight, I am thrilled to have done this.  It has put me on the path for greater health, which I plan on following for the rest of my life.   

Balancing the Physical and the Emotional

Why do you work out?  Is it to get fit?  Is it to lose weight?  Is there another reason that gets you moving each day?  For me it is a combination of wanting to get fit, lose weight and to relieve stress.  The other reason is I love working out.  There are many out there that HATE exercising.  They call it a "necessary evil" or "something that must be done," but for me it is one of my favorite parts of the day.

Six days per week, I get up and do some form of exercise.  It could be weight lifting, running, riding the elliptical or a nice long walk.  But, it is important that I get moving in the mornings.  Working out first thing is what sets my day in the right direction.  This past couple of days working out is what has helped keep my sanity.

The last two weeks have been something of a struggle for me.  I have been dealing with depression and there are a few friendships that are not where I'd like them to be.  It's weighed heavily on my mind, but I've basically gone with the flow to just get through each day.  I had an inspiring counseling session on Friday and it inspired to take some important action.

I had a particularly unsettling interaction with a friend on Saturday that really threw me for a loop.  I've been told that what was said was not meant, but the damage had been done.  It didn't affect the friendship  long-term, but it did make me angry.  I was also dealing with issues surrounding my allergies (it's that time of year) and I was unsure if I was going to be able to work out my frustration on Sunday morning.  When I woke up on Sunday, I dragged myself to the local park.  My goal was to make it around twice, but I had no faith that I would be able to do it without stopping because of how hard it was for me to breathe.

I started the run and soon I was moving very quickly.  After 5 minutes, Mrs. Runkeeper was telling me that my pace was 8 minutes and 40 seconds and I felt like I was on my way.  I didn't really think I'd be able to maintain that pace, but I ended my run with an 8 minute and 56 second mile.  It was a fantastic accomplishment for me and I was so thrilled to have done it.  It also made me really start to work through the stress---the stuff with my friends, issues surrounding work, even concern about the future.  It is because of this physical activity that I am basically a happy person today.

I urge anyone that is dealing with stress to take a walk, a jog, or whatever.  If you're physically unable, do whatever kind of motion you can.  I am a firm believer in taking control of physical health will do wonders for your mental health.  Will it be a cure all?  No, but in my experience, most people feel better once they have done some kind of physical activity.