How My Weight Loss Has Affected My Place in the World

I was recently asked by my friend Adina Ingram to consider how my losing weight has affected my relationships with friends, family, as well as my feelings about myself and others.  It was something that I have been thinking about quite a bit.  As many people may know, I am in therapy.  I started seeing a counselor after I found my interactions with others to be strained or awkward.  This didn’t happen with everyone, but I noticed it happening more often than not and I grew more uncomfortable in my own skin.  I had reduced significantly in mass and I no longer knew how to be Collin Gehl.

I often wonder who has changed the most: me or the people in my life.  Most of the reactions I have gotten about my weight loss have been completely positive.  People are truly happy for me and are often telling me how good I look.  Others are inspired by not only my weight loss, but my commitment to fitness and my new positive outlook on life.  Several friends and some of my family have adopted a healthier lifestyle in part because of what I have done.  It can be both inspiring and overwhelming to be seen as a role model.  My commitment continues to grow strong because of the love and support I receive.

Unfortunately, there are those that have not been supportive of what I have done.  Some friends feel as if we’re in a competition to be “the skinniest.”  Others have pushed me away and it hurts.  As a gay man,  I have gotten a lot of positive reaction from some members of the gay community and have had people that did not look at me before be suddenly extremely interested in who I am and what I am doing. 

To have those that are supposed to be my friends resent me because of getting healthier is somewhat heartbreaking.  I often think that people don’t understand how sensitive I am.  I am very tough, as well as extremely straightforward, so I think that people just assume they can say or do anything to me and I’ll be OK.  I’ve recently defriended and pushed people out of my life because of the way they treat me.  I’ve also adjusted my approach in meeting new people.  If you can’t give me the courtesy of following through---on a meeting, a date, etc., then I don’t need you in my life and they are gone. 

This new approach to dealing with people would not have happened without both the weight loss and therapy.  Because of my new lifestyle, I am much more confident in how I carry myself and my body.  I used to slouch and try to hide, but now I find myself walking with excellent posture and looking people in the eye.  I also smile much more.  I am happier and I find that smiling puts people at ease and makes it easier for people to make friends.

The most exciting thing about the weight loss has been the new clothes.  I am falling in love with clothes---especially clothing with bright colors.  For years I wore outfits that were all dark colors or too big.  Lately I realize that those clothes were not only hiding my body, but making me look bigger.  I try to wear much more form fitting clothing, but because I am now gaining more muscle, I am struggling with finding clothes that fit correctly. 

Despite the many challenges of losing weight, I am thrilled to have done this.  It has put me on the path for greater health, which I plan on following for the rest of my life.   

Balancing the Physical and the Emotional

Why do you work out?  Is it to get fit?  Is it to lose weight?  Is there another reason that gets you moving each day?  For me it is a combination of wanting to get fit, lose weight and to relieve stress.  The other reason is I love working out.  There are many out there that HATE exercising.  They call it a "necessary evil" or "something that must be done," but for me it is one of my favorite parts of the day.

Six days per week, I get up and do some form of exercise.  It could be weight lifting, running, riding the elliptical or a nice long walk.  But, it is important that I get moving in the mornings.  Working out first thing is what sets my day in the right direction.  This past couple of days working out is what has helped keep my sanity.

The last two weeks have been something of a struggle for me.  I have been dealing with depression and there are a few friendships that are not where I'd like them to be.  It's weighed heavily on my mind, but I've basically gone with the flow to just get through each day.  I had an inspiring counseling session on Friday and it inspired to take some important action.

I had a particularly unsettling interaction with a friend on Saturday that really threw me for a loop.  I've been told that what was said was not meant, but the damage had been done.  It didn't affect the friendship  long-term, but it did make me angry.  I was also dealing with issues surrounding my allergies (it's that time of year) and I was unsure if I was going to be able to work out my frustration on Sunday morning.  When I woke up on Sunday, I dragged myself to the local park.  My goal was to make it around twice, but I had no faith that I would be able to do it without stopping because of how hard it was for me to breathe.

I started the run and soon I was moving very quickly.  After 5 minutes, Mrs. Runkeeper was telling me that my pace was 8 minutes and 40 seconds and I felt like I was on my way.  I didn't really think I'd be able to maintain that pace, but I ended my run with an 8 minute and 56 second mile.  It was a fantastic accomplishment for me and I was so thrilled to have done it.  It also made me really start to work through the stress---the stuff with my friends, issues surrounding work, even concern about the future.  It is because of this physical activity that I am basically a happy person today.

I urge anyone that is dealing with stress to take a walk, a jog, or whatever.  If you're physically unable, do whatever kind of motion you can.  I am a firm believer in taking control of physical health will do wonders for your mental health.  Will it be a cure all?  No, but in my experience, most people feel better once they have done some kind of physical activity.

Running Adventure Continues

I started running on Sunday, April 13 and completed two laps around the park, travelling a total of 3.55 miles.  Since that time, I've run maybe five more times.  Each time I run, I like it more.  I've found myself losing time as I run and clear my mind and it has become therapy for me.  

The weather here in Buffalo has remained inconsistent so at most I run perhaps twice per week.  I am definitely a fair weather runner, but because I am not really training for anything, it doesn't really matter how often I run.  I've continued to look at each opportunity I am out there as a gift.  I also look to improve myself each time I on a run.  

I am amazed at my running time.  When I first started, I didn't really know what to expect.  At the gym on the treadmill, I ran a 12 minute mile.  My first time around the park, I ran a little over a 10 minute mile.  During my last run, I ran a 9 minute, 4 second mile. I was stunned.  How could I be running so fast with so little experience?  A part of it is my stride, which is long, but I guess another part of it is my endurance.  I've been using the elliptical consistently for over a year.  I also use the stair climber machine.  I never would have imagined that doing those exercises would be such a positive effect on my ability to run.

Yesterday, I met a friend in the park to walk.  He is recovering from recent surgery and he was frustrated with himself for not being able to run.  I suggested getting a walk, and he was game.  The weather was originally supposed to be terrible, and it was wet and rainy throughout the day.  Yet, as the time came closer for he and I to get together, the sun started shining, so he and I were able to meet.  The walk was going well, when he suggested we start jogging.  We did and he was able to keep up a very nice pace.  We ended up running 1.5 miles.  It was awesome!  I was extremely proud of him, but I also saw that I could run with someone, keep up a conversation and have a good time.  The run time flew by and I am actually looking forward to running with him again.  

The moral of this story is to not be afraid to try something new.  I've avoided running for years, but because of a commitment to a friend, I took up the sport.  I then avoided running with another person, but because of another friend, I tried it and enjoyed it.  Are there physical challenges that you are initially scared or hesitant to try, that you end up enjoying?  

Success!

What does success feel like in your fitness journey?  Have you set goals along the way?  How does it feel when you finally reach that goal?

In 2013, I agreed to run my first 5K with my good friend Ron.  He wanted to do it and I said we could in 2014.  My original plan was to start training on the treadmill in January.  When January rolled around, I made excuses until another friend at the gym, Guy, took me to task and told me it was time to start running.  I did it and survived.  Unfortunately, I was unable to get the right running sneakers right away and ended up injuring my knee.  This set me back about a month in my training.  The weather here in Buffalo was awful, so the date of my 5K was going to be in April or May, so I really had not lost a lot of time in training.

I started running the treadmill at the end of February and continued to slowly train.  Ron and I discussed a training schedule outside, but life intervened and he started without me.  The weather continued to be a factor and I had no interest in running in the cold or on ice.  I soon realized that I had to start or I wouldn't be ready to run the 5K when the opportunity arose.

The date that I picked to start was my brother's birthday.  Alex was with us for one year, but he died from complications from Multiple Sclerosis on his first birthday.  This year was the 30th anniversary of his death and it is generally a difficult time for my parents and me.  I didn't realize that it was his birthday when I picked this day---it was a Sunday and therefore a "run day."  The weather was perfect---high 40s and sunny.  Delaware Park was fairly quiet and I was able to get a groove going.  My running music playlist is awesome and inspiring and before I knew it I had run around the park twice.  My total time was 34:48 and I ran 3.55 miles.  Keep in mind that a 5K is 3.1 miles, so I ran (over) the length of my goal in excellent time.  At the gym, I have the treadmill set for a 12 minute mile, so I ran faster outside than I do on the treadmill.

To say that I was proud was an understatement.  I realize that it is not a big goal to some, but to me it was amazing.  I can now say without any trepidation that I can run the 5K.  I am ready, willing and able.  I also loved being outside running and I cannot wait to get out there again.  The weather is supposed to take a turn for the worse tomorrow (it actually already is), so I won't be out there tomorrow, but Friday looks good.  I am feeling so pumped.

I thank you all for allowing me to share my successes from my journey.  Whomever reads this, know that I appreciate your support.  Meanwhile, here is a song that describes how I felt as I was running.

Finding Motivation

What motivates you in your quest for fitness?  Is it something that happens from within?  Is it seeing the results on the outside?  Is it being noticed by other people?  Perhaps it is a combination of all those things.

I've been struggling a bit with staying on track.  I work out at least 90 minutes per day, six days per week, but I don't always eat the best and there are other things that I want to do with my workouts.  I want to work on doing a more effective and efficient workout, and I also want to work on specific body parts.  For me, because I was so heavy before I started this quest, I am still working to tone up in certain places.  I am trying to do additional work to help tone these muscles.  In addition, I am working quite a bit on fat loss.  I have yet to do a body fat analysis, and perhaps that should be my first step.

I am motivated to get back on track with the fat loss as we move into warmer weather.  I have several polo shirts that I can still wear from last year, but because they were not of the best quality, some of the shirts have shrunk and now are too short for me.  In addition, apparently my biceps have grown quite a bit because they are almost busting out of some shirts.  I want to have clothes that fit and look good. I would like to settle on a size so I can make an investment in good quality clothes and not having to replace "cheap" shirts at the end of each season.

On days when it is raining (like today), I often find it hard to go home and work out.  I love doing most of my workout in the mornings, but if I plan on focusing on a single body part or area of muscles in the second part of the day, it is hard to get into it.  Between my cat Gobee, the weather and my desire to sometime just want to eat, I often set myself up for failure.  I have started eating small meals throughout the day which will keep me on track on when it comes to my hunger.  It is next to impossible for me to work out when I am hungry, so making sure there is something in my stomach before I go home is key to my success.

As I close this post, I think that it is important that I get back on my grind.  The diet, the fitness and the focus.  Speaking of grind, see if anyone of you remember this one from the 90s.

New Season, New Goals

It is finally Spring in Buffalo. After what I hope is our last snow fall of the season, the sun is shining, the ice is melting and everyone in town is looking forward to spending more time outside.  We are expecting the high to be 61 degrees tomorrow. I frankly cannot wait!  I am tired of being cold and even more annoyed at being unable to do my walking.

My pants have been feeling tighter recently.  I can still wear them, but I noticed that there were some changes.  I know that I have not been keeping up with my ab exercises the way that I wanted and that I am not always consistent with my diet.  I have been working out significantly and have incorporated running into my routine.  Well, I finally got on the scale this morning and I was 12 pounds heavier than my lightest weight! Yikes!  As my friend/sister LaShekia would say, "That is not cute!"

Yesterday, I made a commitment to use MyFitnessPal the way it is intended.  I have only been half using it and the weight gain showed that.  This website exists to keep people in check and it is important that I hear what it is telling me.  If I don't use it efficiently, it won't be effective and I will gain weight.

While the weight gain is a bummer, I am excited about my involvement in running.  I ran a complete 5K on the treadmill yesterday and walked for about 45 seconds after I got to 3.11 miles and then I began running again.  I ran until I got to the 5 mile mark.  It felt incredible!  I am so excited with myself and it also tells me that I need to get on point with other things.

I was inspired to begin some serious Spring Cleaning yesterday and cleaned out a bunch of junk that I have been accumulating for nearly 4 years.  I was finding mail from 2010!  Just doing that task (it took about 3 hours) made me feel better.  There is still more to do, but I am ready to do it!

So, where am I now?  I made a goal several months ago to lose a total of 90 pounds.  With the 12 pound weight gain, I am now 29 pounds away from that goal.  This means it may take at least 15 weeks to get to my goal.  Am I disappointed?  Yes.  Am I going to give up?  Hell no!  I am now more focused than ever.

What about you?  Have you been derailed from a goal?  If so, how have you overcome this?  I'll leave you with one of my favorite "inspirational" songs.

Weight Lifting For Dummies

I have always considered myself a weight lifting dummy.  I have lifted weights on and off for years, but never seemed to get the results that others get.  Why?  Well, recently a friend of mine pointed out that I was not doing the full range of motion when it came to my exercises.  He was right.

I continued to add weight every month, but I was not really doing the exercises the way they were meant to be done.  Cutting a motion in half means I will only get half (or possibly less than half) of the benefit.  It was a sobering thought, but something I really considered.

I decided to reduce my weight this week and instead started working on doing the exercise properly.  I also listened to what my friend said and started watching the "muscle heads" around me.  They know how to get results, so it made sense to really watch them to see what they were doing.  It's been very eye opening and I am still working on figuring out the right routine to do.

I started using the bench press for the first time in my gym "career."  I was such a novice, that I did not realize that the bar probably weighed about 20 pounds.  I started out putting 10 pounds on each side, so I lifted a total of 40 pounds, but I thought I was lifting only 20!  When my other friend pointed that out, I was both embarrassed, but relieved.  I remember thinking that those 20 pounds felt hard.

I have certain goals when it comes to the weight lifting.  I am still looking to lose weight, but I am determined to replace the fat with muscle.  My body does not look like I want it to, but I know that if I continue to do these exercises and embrace the clean eating, things will change.

What do you all think?  Do lifting weights intimidate you?  What kind of tips do you have about weight lifting?

I leave you with one of my favorite dummies, Homer Simpson, and his quest to get fit.